50 Ways To Annoy Edward Cullen
by WhoYouAreIsNotWhereYou'veBeen
Summary: Just what it says in the title, a chapter per way to annoy him : maybe more... ; It's a 'T' rating but there may be strong language later on but i dont think that needs a 'M' Rating, review me if you have a problem with that :
1. Prologue

50 Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any characters you may recognise. I do however own:

Me (Frae), Nickii, Libby (a.k.a Bibby), Louise and Uma ;) they are awesome and people who request may come into other chapters, if you send your name and a short description of yourself in the review :)

Prologue.

Place: Frae's bedroom

Time: Late ;) (Kind of midnight/early hours of the morning area)

"I'm boooooooooooooooooooored!" squealed Uma still bouncing up and down from an earlier experiment of Uma+Frae+Coffee=? Yeah... it didn't work out very well. "Charlieeee I'm boooored!" Frae exclaimed pouncing on Libby. "Frae. If. You. Do. Not. Get. Off. Me. Right. Now. I. Will. Eat. You." Libby growled in response. Louise watching the exchange with glassy eyes placed an evil smirk on her porcelain face, pushing her raven locks from her honey eyes slurred "kinky" before literally falling off the bed giggling. Yes, the girl who scares children for fun. Giggling. Nickii staring strangely at her friend carefully probed "Whats up...?"  
"Nothing" Louise and Frae answer quickly, too quickly.  
"Hmmm, will this nothing end us up in jail or detention?" Nickii asked the guilty looking teens.  
"Don't make me hurt you..." Libby added, making Frae's eyes widen in fear.  
"Itwasallherideaididntwannabutshemademe!Pleasedonthurtme!I'msorry!" Frae blurted out in one breath, pointing at Louise and running to hide herself behind Uma.  
"Thanks Frae! Nice to know _you_ wouldn't sell me out!" Louise exclaimed rolling her eyes.  
"Guys....." Uma declared, "In case you haven't noticed... I'M STILL BORED!" She screamed.  
"Well," Nickii started "What shall we do!?" After looking at each other for a few moments they all screamed "PRANK!!"  
"But who...?" Louise wondered aloud, "Didn't the Malfoy's move in last week?" She said looking at Uma the biggest gossip in town.  
"Yeah..." she began "but I don't think that's such a good idea since _someone_ chased Voldemort through Oxford screaming 'DIE SNAKE DIE!'..." she ended throwing a pointed look at Frae.  
"Hey!!" She cried, "It wasn't _my _fault! I honestly thought he was a snake with legs..." she trailed off running her hand through her short, light brown hair guiltily looking down.  
"OH. MY. CARLISLE!" Uma suddenly squeaked, "The _Cullen's_ moved here last night!!" Unexpectedly the room of girls started hyperventilating, "_THE_ Cullen's?" Libby enquired fanning herself as excitement searing through her big brown eyes.  
"What do we do?! What do we do?! What do we do?! What do we do?!" Nickii squealed, in a very Uma like fashion.  
"When in doubt..." Louise smirked opening a bright red laptop and typing in 'Annoying the Cullens' she scrolled down the list of options before gasping and clicking on a link that promised "5O Ways To Annoy Edward Cullen".

"Well...." Libby smirked "LETS GET PLANNING!"


	2. Like A Virgin Bibby Revisited

Hey, Thanks for the favourites :) Please review?? Thanks as always don't own it but I do own Libby, Louise, Uma, Nickii and Frae (please don't hurt me...)

A/N Oh and It came to my attention that I didn't do much for Edwards reaction, so I've added a bit at the end, I've deleted the original chappie :)

Chapter one: Like a virgin.

"Bibby!" Frae whined.  
"What?!" She growled narrowing her eyes at her friend.  
"Why do we have to wear this?! It's like... like... like...all Goth"  
"Frae. If you say 'like' one more time you will NOT be able to prank Edward with us!"  
"Okay..." she pouted going to hide behind Louise, she grinned at Nickii who poked Uma who grinned, they shared a look and poked Louise who grinned (albeit a little spaced out and scary grin...) and they snuck up behind Libby.  
"Don't. Even. Think. About. It." She growled as the four girls moved to pounce.  
"What?How?No!But-" They complained  
"Shut it!" She hissed pointing at the house they were planning to break into, "Now, remember they are _vampires_ so they are probably going to hear us and/or smell us so we've enlisted help" she grinned excitedly, "Bibby..." Frae began "Are you _sure_ you're not related to Malfoy? Oooh ooh could you get me his number? He is fiiiiiiine" Uma squealed her agreement, but pouted at Libby's answer.  
"No and No!" She denied "and, Don't. Call. Me. Bibby!" she growled, punctuating each word with a sharp poke (they actually hurt) as she turned to fully attack Frae she was stopped by loud guffaws and giggles, she span to face her interruption with a murderous look in her eyes, stopping the laughter immediately the five figures warily moved out of the shadows slowly hands in the air.  
"Urm, you guys" Nickii spoke softly "your _Vampires_ and she's _human_?!"  
"Yeah..." Emmett began "But she's _scary!_" He stage whispered hiding behind Rosalie. Rosalie sneered at the group of girls "Well what do _you _want?" Louise raised an eyebrow at answered  
"Nothing apparently" giving her a pointed look "Hoe-salie" she added at the end smirking as Emmett struggled to hold Rosalie back. "I'm soooooooo sorry" Libby apologised as Frae and Nickii started rolling on the floor laughing at Rosalie snapping like a dog. Jacob, Jasper and James moved past the two vampires and made to introduce themselves.  
At sight of Jasper, Frae jumped up and jumped him securing herself on his back. "Well hello there darlin' he drawled" as she began to re-hyperventilate squealing about cowboys and dreams coming true. "James," the tall figure introduced himself as he was tackled by an unusually hyper Libby locked around his lower leg. As Jacob edged to run away, Uma ran at him, pushed him to the ground and sat herseff on his toned chest, sighing contentedly. "Hey!" Nickii whined, "Where's Edward?" looking round hopefully "Or Carlisle?"  
She was met by rounds of "Eww he's _old_"'s "We're here to_ prank_ him remember?" and a very unhelpful "He's in the closet!!" Shouted simultaneously by a giggling Frae and Emmett as Louise wondered aloud "Hey... is there a Fangtasia around here? Eric...." she trailed off with a glazed over smile.  
"Okay, Okay!" Rosalie called "What's the plan? I need to get Eddy-boy back for using all of my lip gloss!" she finished with an evil glare, reminiscing. 

Suddenly Nickii got a mischievous look in her eye as she quietly asked Rosalie "Hey, Rose... you don't like _Bella_ do you?" She sneered Bella's name.  
"No." Rosalie growled, her right eye twitching.  
"Well, I have a lickle idea to get rid of her.... but I need your help" he smiled sadisticly, as Rosalie started them both off in a round of manic laughter, as the rest of the group backed away veerrryyy slooooowwwllly.

"Nicholas!" Uma warned (inside joke) looking at Nickii, "No eating Bella." Nickii frowned mouthing to Rosalie that they'd _talk_ later, "Anyway," Nickii added looking at Frae, "It's not like _you're_ not planning to top Alice off! And you Nessie and Victoria!" She ended looking pointedly at Uma and Libby who sported _very _guilty looks.

"Now then," Emmett boomed, "What's this prank?" Frae grinned at Emmett before stage whispering to the group; "Tonight we are gonna do two today!" She exclaimed looking very pleased with herself, producing a long piece of paper.

"Number one: Prance around the house singing Madonna's 'Like a virgin' at the top of your lungs every morning.

Number two: Especially when Bella's around to hear it."

Libby looked at the eager faces, I'm doing it aren't I?" she groaned, realisation seeping in.

"Okay" she breathed "what time is Bella over?" Jasper looked at his watch

"Right about.... NOW!" he cried.

"Here goes nothing..." she sighed "Oh and if I don't make it out alive... "JAMES I LUUUUURVE YOU!!" she sprinted off towards the Cullen's house leaving a _very_ scared James frozen to the spot.

----------------------------------------------------Cullen's House---------------------------------------------------

Libby carefully snuck up behind Edward who was currently playing piano to a very bored looking Bella. Edward left the piano and went to stand up, Libby smirked it was time...

She stood looked straight at Edward and Bella, opened her mouth and sang:

"I made it through the wilderness, somehow I made it through  
Didn't know how lost I was, until I found you

I was beat, incomplete,  
I'd been had,  
I was set in through

But you made me feel  
Yeah, you made me feel  
All shiny and new

Like a virgin, touched for the very first time  
Like a virgin, when your heart beats next to mine

I made it through the wilderness,  
Somehow I made it through  
Didn't know how lost I was  
Until I found you

Gonna give you all my love, yeah  
My feeling's fading fast  
Been saving it all for you  
'Cause only love can last

You're so fine, and you're mind  
You're strong, yeah, you make me a fool  
Your love brought out, yeah  
Your love brought out what was going cold

Like a virgin, touched for the very first time  
Like a virgin, when your heart beats next to mine

Whoah, whoah

You're so fine, and you're mind  
I'll be yours until the end of time  
Because you make me feel,  
Yeah, you make me feel I've got nothing to hide.

Like a virgin, touched for the very first time  
Like a virgin, when your heart beats next to mine

Whoah, whoah

Like a virgin, feels so good inside  
When you hug me, and your heart beats, and you love me.

Like a virgin, touched for the very first time  
Like a virgin, when your heart beats next to mine

Whoah, whoah

Like a virgin,  
Like a virgin"

As she sang she danced and pranced around, jumping and leaping. Spinning and... braek danced? Okay...

Edward and Bella gave her strange looks as they left for school, but she repeated the song, pointing at Edward whenever 'Virgin's were mentioned, and followed them to school, only stopping at as the lunch bell rang.

"Well..." She smirked at Edward "Bye!!" and she pranced off towards her friends still humming the tune, as Edward skipped. Yes, skipped. Singing "She's gone! She's gone! She. Is. GOOOONNNEEE!!" Forming a conga with a reluctant Bella, who eventually just rolled her eyes and participated with a familiar bored expression.

A/N I know its shite but please review hopefully they'll get better :)

Cookies and Twi-Guys :L


	3. Eloping! Frae

Chapter 3- Eloping- Frae

Sorry this has taken so long, my Granddad had a nasty fall and ended up in hospital, my hamster Treacle died (RIP Baby girl) and I had an audition at a talent show- add that to revision and yeah well sorry :) Characters will be _very_ OOC

I dedicate this to Libby for getting me to get off my ass and write it!- and bribery ;)

And.... _**Happy Birthday Nicholas!**_

For Saturday,, I will have a new chapter or story out especially

Disclaimer: Not mine,, but if it was it'd go something like this:....

**Bella: **I know what you are...

**Edward:** Say it.

**Bella:** …. No

**Edward:** Say it.

**Bella:** … Uhhhhh Nah.

**Edward:** SAY IT!

**Bella:** ….

**Edward:** Out loud.

**Bella: **Your... your... your... GAY! Bwahahahahaha (rolls around laughing)

**Edward: **What! Uh... did Jakey tell you? I didn't want you to find out like this...

**Bella:** Edward... I was, um, joking.... (backs away slowly)

**Edward:** ...what? (understanding dawns onto his face) Oh! Uh, yeah... me too... Ha-ha see? Ha ha (obviously fake laughter)

**Bella:** You and Jacob? Really? Well I'm going to... um wash my hair, yeah that's it wash my hair (turns and runs)

**Edward:** Damn! Stuff Jasper and Emmett knowing ALICE CANNOT KNOW! She's wanted a gay **best friend for centuries! **

**Alice: **Edward! Oh Edwarrrrrrrrrrrd! Eddie Boy! Shopping time!

**Edward:** Shit! How did she... bollocks damn future seeing psycho! (runs away!)

**Alice: **You can run, but I'll find you! (skips away happily)

**MissCullen1903:** LittlePsychicPixieBitch! How _could_ you! (sobbing) HE. IS. NOT. COMING. OUT. OF. THE. CLOSET!

**Me: **Your right... (hug) he's _out_ of the closet now! Bwahahaha!

**James' Fangbanger:** Awesome LittlePsychicPixieBitch! (high five)

**MissCullen1903:** *growl and storms off* 

"My turn! My turn! My turn!" Frae squealed jumping up and down.

"Fine..." Libby sighed heavily, rolling her eyes at her over excited companions.

"What's next on the list?" Nickii questioned looking at Louise, who shrugged in response looking at Uma, who in turn faced Libby who looked very confused and looked back to Louise, "don't you have the list?"

"List...?" she asked before a look of understanding crossed her face as she pulled out a folded sheet of paper "The _list_!" she handed the paper to Frae, who turned her head to the left and right, then turning to look at Libby who rolled her eyes, turned the paper the right way round and handed it back to Frae.

"OH!" She squealed, "I get it..." Libby gave a sigh of relief that quickly turned to frustration as Frae then carried on to ask "Libby... what does _elope_ mean?" Libby mumbled something along the lines of 'God help me!' before carefully explaining the meaning of 'elope'. "Oh...." she nodded her hair bounce as she started to jump around again, this time forcing Uma to join in.

"So..." Nickii whispered, "whats the plan?"

"Well..." Uma giggled "Frae's-going-to-phone-Aro-and-tell-him-that-Edward-wants-to-elope-with-him!" she gushed in one breath, Libby was rolling on the floor laughing with tears running down her face, Louise was looking scared at the scene of Libby laughing, Uma was discussing when to do it with Frae while Nickii stood there. Just stood there. Blinking quickly and swaying on her feet she let out a small whimper as she crashed unladylike to the floor. Libby laughing louder at this, Frae and Uma startled out of their gossiping, turned to see Louise pulling a shaking Nickii to her feet. "Uma..." Frae whispered worriedly, "she looks worse than when she had to have that injection yesterday..." she trailed of.

"No... Poor Edward" Nickii mumbled shaking all over. "Do we need to lock her inside for this one?" Libby enquired evilly. "NO!" The girls screamed at once. "Damn!" frowned Libby "Anyway!" she rubbed her hands together in a very villain-y pose and whispered "We need Carlisle..." Nickii's eyes lit up at the thought.

"Who's going to phone him?" Louise asked

"ME!" Nickii screamed pouncing on the phone typing in speed-dile at vampire speed,

"Erm, Nicholas..." Uma started worriedly backing away slowly, hiding behind her waist length ebony hair, "Why do you have Carlisle's number on speed-dile?" looking at her friend fearfully.

"Um, no reason!" She squeaked turning a rather bright shade of red,

"Nickii..." Louise asked a hint of warning in her voice "you haven't been phoning to listen to his voice again- have you?" she frowned

"No!" she replied quickly shaking her head so fast her short hair flew around her head, until she saw the look of doubt on Louise's face and her head-shaking slowed down until she pouted, "I only did that _once!"_ Louise raised an eyebrow, "Okay _twice_." Another eyebrow was raised, "OKAY! I did it 6982 times! Sue me!" she yelled, folding her arms to go sulk in the corner. "Okay, I'll do it" Louise sighed holding her hand out for the phone.

She dialed the number and put it on loud speaker, motioning for her friends to remain silent.

**( Louise **_Carlisle)_

**Ring Ring**

"_Hello?"_

**Ring Ring**

"_Helllloo?"_

**Ring Ring**

"_Emmett..." _The voice on the other side of the phone warned _"have you been watching Charlie the Unicorn again?"_

"**It's not Emmett."**

"_Hey! Who is this, I've told you STOP RINGING ME!"_ He growled

"**Um, okay then, I was just going to tell you that we need you to make a house call, my uh _Sister,_ yeah sister is sick..."**

"_Oh, sorry" _he apologised sheepishly _"whats the address?"_

"**Oh we um live at... the um Candy Mountain Manor..."**

"_Okey-dokey I'll be right over"_

**Beep Beep Beep- Your call has been disconnected- Beep Beep Beep**

"Really?" Frae asked amazed _"We live at Candy Mountain Manor?_!" she squealed excitedly.

They were interupted by a knock at the door "Hello? It's Dr Cullen!" he called through the heavy oak door.

Libby quietly moved over to the fridge and pulled out a raw dripping leg of lamb, she motioned for Louise to open the door and hid the meat behind her back, Carlisle moved into the kitchen sniffing at Libby drooling like a dog.

"Sit." she commanded and he did,

"Shake hands" she told him and he shook and kissed each girls hand before returning to his place at Libby's feet.

"Now, What's Aro's mobile number?" she said sternly.

"07791234566" he told her eagerly,

"Good boy" she smiled patting him on the head and throwing the lamb out the kitchen window "Fetch!" she called "and don't come back unless we call you!" smiling she passed frae the phone and pressed the call button, "It's time" she grinned.

(**Frae **_Aro)_

"_Hello?"_

"**Oh My Gosh, Aro Darling!" (lol) **she gushed

"_Do I um know you?" _you could almost see the confusion etched into his perfect face,

"**Aro! Never mind your games I have some news, brace yourself dear..."**

"_WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?"_ He squealed frustrated

"**IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER YOU DUNDERHEAD!"**

"_Dunderhead?"_

"**Shut the hell up! Anyway, Edward told Uma, who told Libby, who told Louise, who told Nickii, who fainted then told me that Edward wants to elope with you but didn't want to ask you in case you said no, so he wants you to meet him outside Bella's house if the answers yes!" **she squealed in one breath.

"_Edward... Me... Elope?" _he whispered _"OMFG! AM I DREAMING! I asked him **years** ago and he told me he was straight! I'm on my way! I can't thank you enough, toodles!"_ he squealed giggling like a school girl

"Did the leader of the Volturi r_eally_ say _toodles?_" Uma gasped out between giggles.

"Well what are we waiting for lets see the show!" Louise yelled, racing for the door,

"Lets let Emmett know first, and the rest of them..."

20 minutes later out side Bella's house

"But, but I _love _you Edward!" Aro cried, dry sobs racking his torso.

"Um, I'm sorry Aro... but I'm straight... we can still be friends?"

"But you told Uma, who told Libby, who told Louise, who told Nickii, who fainted then told the person who told me that you want to elope with me but didn't want to ask me in case I said no, so you want me to meet you outside Bella's house if the answers yes! And here I am! The answers yes Eddie Yes! I will marry you!" he cried jumping Edward as Bella walked out the house to see what the commotion was

"Edward?" she called pain clear in her eyes and tears running down her face she slowly walked up to where he and Aro were in what _looked _like a romantic embrace. Aro climbed of him and met her, he smirked and snapped his fingers in a 'z' formation, and said (imagine him using the voice for 'yo mama jokes) He miiiiiiiine now honey! Ya' snooze Yo' lose!"

"Oh no you di'nt! Bella retorted moving her head from side to side " He's miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!" she grabbed onto Edwards arm and puleld him to her side.

"He's miiiiine!" Aro screeched pulling him towrads himself

"No! He's miiiine!" Bella screamed yanking him back. This carried on for another twenty minutes before Jacob showed up.

He latched onto Edwards leg screaming "He's miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine beatches!" Aro and Bella stopped in shock looking from Edward to Jacob.

"HMPH!" Bella shrieked indignantly at the same time as Aro.

A/N I'm not sure how to do it from there... :/ ideas and suggestions would be fab guys :)

As always review,, I really want to say thanks to the people who have reveiwed, and favourited and alert-ed :)


	4. Edwards Reaction

Chapter 4- Chapter 3 Edwards Reaction

Last time (in the Big Brother House)

"**No! He's miiiine!" Bella screamed yanking him back. This carried on for another twenty minutes before Jacob showed up.**

**He latched onto Edwards leg screaming "He's miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine beatches!" Aro and Bella stopped in shock looking from Edward to Jacob. **

"**HMPH!" Bella shrieked indignantly at the same time as Aro.**

And on with the story:

"Come on Aro!" Bella screeched folding her arms over her chest, tears running down her face, "Lets go get some ice-cream!" she finished as she dragged Aro towards her truck.

Edward just stood there doing a rather good fish impersonation, he threw a giggling Jacob off his leg, before turning towards the crowd of girls and his brothers. "What. The. Hell. Was. That?" He growled looking pointedly towards Emmett.

"Hey, hey, I had _nothing_ to do with _this_ one" he smirked slowly turning his head towards the group of teens who were backing away from the angry vampire slowwwwwly.

"I BAGSY HIDING IN LA PUSH!" screamed Frae sprinting a few feet before coming to a halt clutching her heart and panting heavily "Fuck it, let the blood sucker eat me" before collapsing in a heap on the road. The others unfroze from there fear stricken state Louise passed Frae wetting herself laughing until she tripped over her feet landing a few feet in front of Frae trying to calm herself down. Uma ran at Jacob before whispering something no-one else heard, but made Jacob blush bright red. Libby (in a very James Bond type way) crawled past the confused looking Edward and Vampires rolling around with laughter, humming the mission impossible theme tune with her hands pointing up in the classic gun pose before roly-poly-ing through the door of the Swans home locking the door behind her. Edward turned towards Nickii (Ah bet you forgot about her didn't you! Hahahaha) raising an eyebrow at her. She smirked at him, with a manic gleam in her eyes. She stalked towards him and purred "07123456249 call me" and with a suggestive wink walked away. As she moved towards her friends she tripped but caught herself, she looked back at the stunned Vampires and called out "I meant to do that!" and pulled her friends towards the house.

_____________________________Back at the house____________________________

(4 hours later)

"Not again!" Frae whined "we've watched Twilight _twice _already!" she pouted, crossing her arms.

"But, but Edward!" Nickii replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, well to her it probably was...

"Um guys...." Louise tried

"WHAT!" Frae and Nickii snapped together.

Louise let out a long sigh "Um where are Libby and Um-" she was cut off by Uma stumbling through the door, clothes dishevelled, hair a mess, make-up smudged "Well guys all I can say is 'I'm gonna sleep well tonight!" Louise rolled her eyes and Nickii pressed play on the DVD player again as Frae pulled Uma to the other side of the room before they started squealing at 100 words per minute in what can only be described as girl-speak. A few hours of discussing plans they all drifted off into a peaceful sleep full of pranks to play the next day.

"Uh... wheres Libby?" Uma asked no-one in particular, but her question went unanswered as every one slept... all but Nickii...

A/N Bwahahahahaha! This is for Bibby, she hasn't stopped nagging me about it all day!

My Biology exam is tomorrow morning! Wish me luck- I'll need it :/

I'll try and get another chapter out tomorrow- I have a few ideas already! :D

Oh and sorry it's so short :S


	5. Wheres Bibby!

50 ways to Annoy Edward Cullen

_**A/N OMFG I am sooooo sorry! I haven't updated in MONTHS! Libby's been bugging me for AGES about this- so here it is!**_

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**Hi, My names Stephenie Joanne Kathleen Meyer Rowling. I have split personality disorder sometimes I'm from Arizona, USA and dream of Jasper Whitlock-Hale divorcing Alice and taking me away whereas other times I live in London and dream of Sirius taking me for long rides on his enchanted motorbike or Draco letting me play with his wand (Get your minds out of the gutters ;))-**_

_**Yeah and unless your REAAAALLLLLY thick and (I mean my level thick) you will realize I'm using a rare art form of SARCASM.**_

_**And If I owned Twilight or Harry Potter I wouldn't be on FF, I would be employing Mr Tamplin and Mr Bignore to become my personal servants wearing Reaaaally tight shorts-drool-**_

_**Anyone you don't recognize I own. Oh and I own my bedroom!**_

Meanwhile at Malfoy Manor

"Morning Drakey-poo" Libby smiled sleepily as she stretched along the green silk bedding. She leaned over to face the platinum haired owner of the huge bed she was currently occupying.

She screamed as her eyes met the silver orbs- of not the yummy, dangerous, slytherin Sex god- but the flabby, wrinkly, old Lucius Malfoy.  
"Wrong Malfoy Babe" He smirked. Libby pinched herself and closed her eyes muttering "Just a drea- er Nightmare"

"Not about me I hope" Said a smooth but tense voice it was deep, but had a warning tone, ever present. She slowly opened her eyes, to look into the crimson slits of Vodemort himself!  
"For fuck sake!" She yelled in frustration, "Can't I wake up to Draco just once?" She lobbed the alarm clock, that was resting next to the now silver covered bed, and sighed as it hit Voldemort smack bang in the middle of his oddly shaped head. She quickly got dressed and yelled as she walked towards the door "Oh and if you tell _anyone_ about this, I'll tell Nickii that your hiding Edward in your boxers..." She shuddered and quickly left the mansion.

"Those teenagers need to be dealt with" Voldemort plotted, "first that crazy _thing_ chasing me- Lord Voldemort- through that huge muggle city screaming 'DIE SNAKE DIE!' Oh the shame! And then that one just now, hmm I wonder if she would help me get Potter, I could promise her Malfoy... Senior maybe...  
Oh and the tiny hyper one *shudder* gives me a migrane just _thinking_ about her squealing about the Dog... And the obsessed one her pining scares even me! Even I'm not that bad- and I spent _seventeen YEARS_ chasing after Potter, and the vampire look-a-like, one word- Nightmares. Night. Mares."

Frae's Bedroom

Libby snuck in and silently crawled into her sleeping bag, she let out a sigh of relief and...

_**BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP **_

_**BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP **_

_**BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP **_

_**BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP **_

_**BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BE-**_


	6. Let the squealing commence

NOT MINE!

Unless anyone's willing to sell it to me (that or HP) For a button and some fluff? No? Damn worth a try...

Chapter 6:

Heres Bibby!

_**-EP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP**_

"Goooooooood Mornin' Sunshine!" Uma squealed jumping Libby's sleeping bag. Slowly Libby's head emerged from the confined space, her hair in disarray and still wearing the clothes she wore the day before- albeit kind of torn and muddled.

"What" Libby growled causing Uma to squeak and back towards the still sleeping form of Frae.  
"NOT THE MUFFIN MAN?" Frae screamed as Uma launched herself at her, "Urm yeah... need sugar..." she said as she answered Libby and Uma's questioning looks- or glares if you look at Libby...

"!" Uma shrieked,  
"?" Frae replied just as shriekedly (A/N I make up words- SUE ME!)

Whilst the conversation(?) was going on, Libby silently moved her sleeping bag towards where Louise was sleeping(?) in the coffin under Frae's desk. Nickii woken up by the insistent and repetitive squeals of 'What?' and 'Guess What!' quickly scuttled (lol) over to where her friends were giggling.

Frae, Uma and Nickii all looked at Libby then looked at each other, then at Libby again (you get the jist) and then squealed in perfect sync,

"OMFG! SHE HOPPED ON THE GOOD FOOT AND DID THE BAD THING!" They all screamed.

Libby turned to Louise with an eyebrow raised, "You let them watch Austin Powers?" she shook her head in disappointment and went to get some breakfast.

A Few Hours Later

"**DING DONG!" **

"Erm Uma... did some one just say ding dong while standing outside the front door?"

"I think so... " Uma replied looking around the room "But it might be Frae she's not here right now..." Louise nodded and went to _answer _the door.

"Hey." Draco Malfoy winked "I'm here for my date?" just at that moment Frae and Libby ran to the door,

Their eyes narrowed at each other and grabbed onto Draco...

A/N DUN DUN DUUNNNNNNNNNNN

Here we are! A nice new chapter to sink to teeth into! :)


	7. Peadophiles and Perverts

10. Show him the twilight trailer. Ask him if he's thinks that he looks like a pedophile or if it's just you

15. Ask him why he likes watching Bella sleep. Call him a pervert.

After a loooooooooong discussion over who deserved Draco more Frae and Libby came to an agreement.

"I get him Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and we alternate Sundays?" Libby negotiated.

"Yep, so I get him Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays?" Frae agreed, "So thats sorted, starting next week? And you get the first Sunday okay?" Libby nodded and quickly slammed the door in Draco's face, with a quick 'See ya Monday!'

The group of friends moved to the living room and after a few minutes were complaining of boredom.

"Lets watch-" Nickii started, but was cut off by Libby growling "Don't. Even. Sya. It."

"Prank?" Louise offered, and to the simultaneous agreement scanned the list, I choose number... 10 and 15 could go along with it, Nickii call Edward and the Cullen's we're going over for a movie."

30 minutes later at the Cullen's

Everyone was settled down watching _Twilight_ on the large sofa's. Bella had just worked out Edwards age,

"So Eddddddddward," Louise whispered

"What." He sighed,

"Is it just me, or do you look like a paedophile in this movie?"

Edwards jaw twitched but said nothing, Emmett. Jasper and Jacob on the other hand were laughing uncontrollably. Frae (sitting on Jasper's lap) Libby (James' lap) Uma (Jacob's lap) and Nickii (Edwards feet) all looked around confusedly until the peoples who laps they were occupying explained what had happened, causing the whole group to crack up. once the laughter had died down and everyone was watching the film Louise whispered again "Why do you like watching Bella sleep **cough cough** Pervert **cough cough**"

Edwards jaw twitched. Edawrds eye twitched. He stood up, drawing everyones attention to him and screamed. Yes Screamed.

"I AM NOT GAY. I AM NOT A PEADOPHILE. I AM NOT A PERVERT AND I AM NOT A VIRGIN! WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE LEAVE ME ALONE!"

And with that ran away dry sobbing into his hanky.

"He did it. He finally cracked!" Emmett said disbelievingly.

"Guys... I was thinking maybe we should stop the pranks for a while..." Frae said quietly.

"Frae, I think thats the smartest thing I've ever heard you say." Nickii said wide eyed.

"Let's go home" Uma agreed.

"Wait a minute." Carlisle said "Where is Victoria, Alice and Bella? And who the Hell is that?" He yelled exasperated,

Everyone turned to see Damon Salvator in the doorway.

"Where is Katherine- er I mean Elena?" he growled and all eyes turned to Louise,

"What?" she scowled. "Fine! She's with Bella, Alice, Victoria and Sookie. And thats all I'm saying!"

"So they all married Aro?" Frae asked confused, Louise swore and Frae dodged many slaps to the head.

"But I don't wanna go all the way to Italy!" Jasper moaned "All Alice will want to do is shop! I hate shopping!"

"Well heres what we'll do, James and Jasper can move in with me Frae and Draco, Jacob can move in with Uma, Damon and Louise and then Nickii can move in here with Edward! Problem solved!" Libby grinned.

And they all lived Happily Ever After, (Well what other choice did they have?)

The End.


	8. Epilogue

Not mine but this is the last chapter Whoo! Hope you enjoyed it! And thanks to everyone who helped me with this story. Anyone who wants to borrow the characters- go ahead but please credit me! And thanks to everyone who reviewed! Have some virtual cookies!

Epilogue

**Libby**

Was turned into a vampire by James, she then turned Voldemort and helped kill Harry Potter. She and James are now permanent members of C.H.E.R.U.B.

**Nickii**

After Libby turned Voldemort, Nickii called in a favour and got hold of a years supply of love potion. She and Edward are now very happy and in love.

**Uma**

Uma is now the proud owner of 20 puppies- her family could give the Weasleys a run for their (lack of) money. She and Jacob are married but she is friendly with the _whole_ of the pack. ;)

**Louise**

Louise was turned into a vampire and made Eric and Damon into love slaves. She now runs Fangtasia with her co-owner Pam. And has Lafayette and Jason are the strip- er Bar tenders...

**Frae**

Is very happy with her cowboy and after being turned realized that Draco isn't really that good looking when he's wrinkly and saggy. She and Libby fought again, this time over who could keep him neither wanted him. Now her works cleaning toilets at Fangtasia.

**Aro, Bella, Alice, Victoria, Elena and Sookie**

After 20 years of Bigamy, Aro got bored of Shopping (Alice) Having his thoughts read (Sookie) Moping (Elena) Whining (Bella) and Victorias voice. So he ate/ burnt them all but then he realised that his true love was himself saw his reflection in Bella's eyes and thought he was burning in the fire so he jumped into to rescue himself. He never was the brightest star in the sky...


End file.
